


soul-less and safe

by sarahshelena



Series: orphan black with dæmons [11]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Daemons, Canon Autistic Character, Daemon Feels, Daemons, F/F, Gentle Kissing, Reunion Sex, Season/Series 05 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 15:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11234271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahshelena/pseuds/sarahshelena
Summary: "I missed you.""I missed you too, Vee."





	soul-less and safe

**Author's Note:**

> if you haven't seen past episode one of s5, don't read
> 
> * * *
> 
> i've made a [playlist](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/post/161974689148/i-need-my-girl-a-playlist-for-veera-and-niki-by) for these two, which can be found on my fanfic blog and listened to on spotify
> 
> * * *
> 
> AU based on the 'his dark materials' book universe by philip pullman in which people's souls live outside their bodies in the form of an animal that reflects their human's personality.)
> 
> same-sex dæmons are rare, but just to make this AU a little different, and to signify the rarity of clones, all genetic identicals have a dæmon the same gender as the one they themselves were assigned at birth. To simplify: the leda clones have female dæmons and the castor clones have male dæmons.
> 
> * * *
> 
> [veera's dæmon](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/post/159046345423/4-of-o-b-w-i-t-h-d-%C3%A6-m-o-n-s-by) is an arctic fox in summer coat, shown [here](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/tagged/arctic-fox)
> 
> [niki's dæmon](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/post/159231985918/10-of-o-b-w-i-t-h-d-%C3%A6-m-o-n-s-by) is a japanese marten shown [here](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/tagged/japanese-marten)
> 
> * * *
> 
> veera and niki speak some finnish to each other, mostly pet names and terms of endearment. there is not much need for translation.

_“You can have regret from yesterday, fear tomorrow, but peace today by sharing your heart’s deepest feelings. A life spent being fearful of showing your soul is a life not worth living.”_

— Shannon L. Alder

* * *

Veera was falling from inside herself, through an aurora beam of light, faster than she could believe. Confusion and fear thrummed within her, and she cried out wordlessly, not knowing where she was or if this was just a symptom of death, lucid images in her mind that were tricking her into thinking she was still alive.

But still she fell, and lost all sense of time; a long while later, Veera realised that she had somehow landed, and was lying on soft, warm sheets, buried under blankets; none of them were made of fabric that irritated her skin. 

Still, she felt utterly safe. 

A gentle hand stroked her face, smoothing her hair behind her ear, _“Mä rakastan sua,”_ Niki whispered, “You've been so brave." 

“Niki,” Veera breathed, finding herself beside her lost love, and bathed in the light that Niki was emitting, the same light she had long before she died, “It’s you.” 

_“Mussukka,”_ Niki smiled, and embraced her warmly. 

Veera could actually _feel_ her, after so long being alone, and she sobbed in relief, “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too, Vee.” Niki squeezed her tightly, and Veera could smell the clean, floral scent of her golden hair. 

“Hem isn’t with you,” Veera mumbled sadly, realising Niki’s marten-dæmon, Hemera, was nowhere to be seen, having dissolved into golden Dust and became part of the earth’s atmosphere the moment Niki died. 

Veera sometimes had nightmares that the particles that made up the Japanese marten had been burnt up before they could disperse and escape the fire that they died in. 

“No. Neither is Nyx with you, _rakas_. They cannot come here.” 

Veera dissolved into sobs, feeling so utterly naked without her dæmon to hold. 

* * *

Before she died, she could never bear to let go of her dæmon, comforted by the soft fur and warm presence in her arms. The grey-furred arctic fox had curled up on Veera’s chest to protect her woman’s ribcage; she screamed in pain as Veera clung to her, but dissolved from her injuries before long. Without her dæmon, Veera slipped away before Ferdinand could even raise his foot once more.

The golden Dust that made up her dæmon billowed over her prone form and filtered through her hair lovingly before rising into the air, dissipating slowly, shimmering in the sunlight that streamed through the windows until it could no longer be seen. 

* * *

_“Mulla on ikävä häntæ._ I need her,” Veera began to panic, her hands opening and closing in desperation, and Niki took Veera’s face between her soft palms, leaning into her. 

“Shhh, _rakas_ , she is safe where she is. I know the pieces of her and Hemera are together, and happy. Nothing can harm them.”

She kissed Veera gently, the achingly familiar taste of her mouth sweet and soothing, but lasting only a few moments. 

When Niki pulled away, Veera could breathe again, although she didn't need to. She felt the bone-deep pain of her loss inexplicably gone; she had found Niki again, but lost both her life and her dæmon. She could feel the grief prickling her skin, bare and cold without Nyx. 

But despite that, Veera simply couldn't stop looking at Niki. The love that had bloomed between the two of them in the time they had known each other was impossibly deep, and transcended death. Veera had made it her life’s purpose to murder the monster who had taken the love of her life from her, and failed. 

But she was finding it hard to see it that way anymore. 

Niki was here, and she was _so_ beautiful. 

_“Mä rakastan sinua.”_ Veera told her, _I love you_ , and Niki beamed with joy. 

_“Mä rakastan sinua,”_ she replied, smiling, and kissed Veera again, their hands buried in each other’s hair, re-memorising each other, Veera’s thumb pads tracing over Niki’s eyelids, stroking her face; and the velvety flesh felt just the same as it ever had, and Veera trembled at the knowledge that Niki was really here with her. 

She felt the stirrings of desire, the first in a long time, “Niki…” she whimpered, clutching at her, pressed against her. 

“I know,” Niki whispered against Veera’s lips, “We have all the time in the world, _rakas_.” 

“But-” Veera bit her lip, not wanting to be demanding, but aching for Niki all the same. Years of hopeless longing had left her so hollow, and being here with Niki was like an awakening akin to what she had experienced when she fell for her so long ago. 

The answering smile she received was blinding with adoration, “But what's wrong with right now?” 

Veera sighed as Niki’s mouth gently touched hers, feeling the flick of a warm tongue against her lips, and she moaned. Niki’s soft breasts filled Veera's hands, and her fingers slipped between Veera’s thighs. 

It had been so long. It had been a lifetime. 

But now, they had forever.

**Author's Note:**

> please comment. I needed to make something beautiful after the ugliness and hate of that episode. 
> 
> I need to see that others are actually mourning her and not just moving on because veera wasn't a main character or a canon lesbian for them to get up in arms over. 
> 
> but she's not, she's an autistic demisexual lesbian and almost nobody's favorite. 
> 
> thank you for reading.


End file.
